Believe it or not, realizing that there wasn’t a single person on earth who could or would help me was the most helpful moment on my healing journey. Through years of reaching out to anyone I could think of, spilling my heart out to strangers, crying to family memebers, hoping for even an ounce of help, I was only ever met with rudeness, judgement, and the assumption that I was just looking for money. At one point I remember thinking “someone could hand me $10,000 right now and I still wouldn’t know what to do. I need HELP!”. I never got any sort of help, and it took me a long time to realize that I never would. But what I’d failed to realize all that time was that I already knew what I needed, I was just looking for someone else to tell me it. It’s like I was hoping to hear my own advice recited in someone else’s voice, or like I needed permission to know what I was talking about, or maybe a bit of both. Whatever it was, I finally realized that the fact that I knew the judgement and advice these people were giving me was wrong was because I knew what was right. I just had to figure out how to trust myself, and when I finally did, my whole life changed.
This blog is the story of how I changed my own life, the steps I took to get there, hopefully with some “cheat codes” to help you heal quicker. I just can’t promise it will help you.