My attention is still being wagered for, and with a broken heart, I hear my internal voice scream;
I miss you so much.
I often joke around about how this would’ve been a lot easier if we were mad at each other. At least I’d know you were the enemy and I can pull up all my defenses to shield myself from you. But I hear my heart asking me what’s going on. I see you and I feel this jolt of excitement and I get even more confused because I want to be so close to you, not just in physical proximity but have you invade my mental space.
Then I look at myself, and I don’t recognize this person. I see a reflection of a stranger. Or someone who had been locked away for a very long time; hence the unfamiliarity. And what scares me most is not knowing what to do with this newfound version of me.
Side note; I titled this series “Roses” because the memory of our time at La Taverna happens to be my fondest. I recall how I felt when you said you would be taking me out. I have vivid pictures of your emerald-ish dress, with you posing in front of the flowers for my camera.
Anyways, you became my friend and you taught me how to be unashamed and vulnerable about people and things I like.