I met someone beautiful. I mean, beautiful enough to make me write this story (so that’s a big deal). I’m watching the story unfold, the plot; unknown, and the epilogue; currently in motion. So, then what then am I doing with this?
Well, I could say that it all started with her smile. there was something about her smile. I wasn’t like any other I had seen in a while. I dare to say it was genuine. It was innocent; to the least. But I would learn that it was inspired by a truth that fueled her faith.
I once said a prayer to God when I was struck with unexplainable admiration, and could not get clarity as to why she stood out from amongst the others. I had felt the sensations of youthful crushing as we know it to be, but this was different. This was a blend of curiosity, awareness, intrigue, and maybe a tinge of laudation.
We would meet at weekly gatherings and she would stand out from amidst the crowd, and just like that, my attention was wagered for. This would go on for weeks, as I imagined it would phase out. I am not afraid to admit how wrong I am/was, but I will say that the situation got more intense.
On a certain day, after many failed attempts to settle the matter by confrontation, it finally came to pass. We talked for what felt like a minute, but a lot was said, and it would seem like we had known each other for a while. This made me a little uncomfortable at first and I began to wonder even more; I may not be the most open person, or so I‘ve been told, but you could say that she unraveled the covering of defenses I held on to so tightly.
As we would have conversations that sprung from the most mundane things to heartfelt rants on issues we faced day-in-day-out. She taught me that there was much to be said about my days. Paying attention to the little details of what transpired therein.
Alas! The kind of energy I never knew I needed. Who was I not to fall in love?
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We had to take a break today. Nothing happened really. However, what is weird in all this is the fact that we don’t consider ourselves to be in a relationship just yet. At least, that’s what she says, so when all this is over, I’m going to ask her out officially one last time.
It is the 18th of July, and after listening to a voice note she shared about how we were not being diligent enough with the set rules, I altered our modes of communication and put certain restrictions in place. You could say that I was really worried about what she was going through. I realize that I care about her enough to sacrifice being in a relationship with her if that's what she needs so she can thrive. But why does that have to be an option? Sucks!
Anyways, we had planned to take time apart. You see, in the month before, we decided to clear the air of all that infatuation that had intoxicated us, and become more objective towards the relationship, in order to ensure we both had a focus on our lives. We had planned to cut off communication for a month, and think really hard if this was something we wanted. But, day in and day out, we would find ways to remind each other of ourselves, and it was like each day was a restart.. each week, a reboot. I especially believed in my capacity to stand through and not break, but this was a tough period as I came to find out. I did not have as much control as I had anticipated.
This time around, I have decided to take charge of the situation and really fulfill the intent of this time apart. I have made a really tough decision to go against all emotional impulses and follow the reasoning that is far above mine. 2020 has been unpredictable so far, and I think the rest of this year would be more intense, but regardless, I look forward to an exciting 2021.
Thank you for all the love and care you showed me.