That's a fun and specific question! When you say "Justthegays" I assume you are referring to a gay man using his status or knowledge of the community to meet women, particularly queer women (like lesbians or bisexual women), or women who appreciate the culture.
The most effective approach is to focus on common ground, mutual respect, and shared cultural interests. Here are the best strategies:
💖 How to Connect with Women Using Shared Queer Interests
1. Highlight Shared Cultural Context
Focus on the cultural knowledge, history, and spaces you have in common.
- Go to Queer-Friendly Spaces: The easiest way to meet women who appreciate queer culture is to be in spaces that are designed for the whole community (bars that are mixed or have designated "lesbian nights," LGBTQ+ centers, queer book clubs, or community volunteer events).
- Discuss Shared Media: Talk about shared cultural touchstones. Acknowledging iconic Drag Race moments, discussing queer literature (like Audre Lorde or Sarah Waters), or mentioning the latest season of a queer-led TV show is great common ground.
- Acknowledge the Chosen Family: Emphasize the importance of your chosen family and community bonds. This shows you value kinship and deep, non-romantic relationships, which is a core value for many queer women.
2. Focus on Friendship and Solidarity First
The best approach is almost always non-romantic, focusing on genuine connection.
- Be a Great Ally (Naturally): If you are a gay man talking to a lesbian or bisexual woman, you share struggles with homophobia and sexism. Express genuine solidarity and respect for her experiences without trying to minimize them.
- Offer Compliments on Style/Aesthetics: Queer culture often intersects with unique aesthetics. Complimenting her style, her taste in music, or her appreciation for a specific piece of art shows you "get it."
- Be a Trusted Confidante: Gay men are often seen as great listeners and confidantes. Offer a non-judgmental ear, share witty observations about the scene, and be a fun, reliable presence. Great friendships often start this way.
3. Emphasize Emotional Connection (Not Flirtation)
Queer relationships, whether romantic or platonic, often prioritize emotional depth.
- Avoid Cliche Flirting: Steer clear of traditional heterosexual "pickup lines" and focus on engaging in a thoughtful, interesting conversation. Your best asset is your perspective and empathy.
- Introduce Her to Your Circle: A strong social bridge is the fastest way to build trust and connection. Invite her to a mixed-gender community event you are hosting or attending. Being welcomed into the "Just The Gays" inner circle is a huge validator.
- Share Witty Observations: Use the shared language and sense of humor of the community. A quick, sharp, or funny observation about something happening in the space or a piece of pop culture can spark a great conversation instantly.
Remember, the goal is always to approach with respect and genuine curiosity, treating the interaction as a potential friendship first.