It was years ago, before I could even imagine telling people about how I overcame social anxiety. The memory of what apparently is the starting point of it is still fresh in my mind, maybe due to the heightened sense of awareness back on the stage, with sharp spotlights on me and a crowd staring right at me.

The plan was to recite a poem for the school competition and possibly win, but as my turn got closer, all I could hear was my heart that was pounding in the freezingly quiet auditorium. My face gave away the nervousness; I was convinced, and once I reached for the mic, my trembling hands couldn't hold it properly. The sound of the mic hitting the floor echoed not just in the room, but in my head, too, for several years to come.

Since then, my world began shrinking because of social anxiety. A mental health condition that can paralyze a person with anxiety in circumstances where they are exposed to the scrutiny and judgment of others. These scenarios can be high-pressure moments like job interviews or something as basic as using a public washroom.

What made my social anxiety difficult to understand was that from the outside, nothing seemed wrong. I attended school, spoke to my friends, and continued my day like every other day. Though internally, there was this constant need to remain prepared to avoid any error like before.

Before striking up a conversation, I'd rehearse it in my mind. While talking, my focus swayed to the memory of everyone laughing in the auditorium and trying my best not to let it happen again. Even after we were done talking, scanning for mistakes seemed important; the whole preparation thing seemed crucial, but it just got exhausting after some time.

It felt safer to avoid places where I was exposed to others' evaluation. I let go of the opportunities that could have helped me grow. My friends got frustrated with me for not giving them time, and so I started ignoring them as well.

Looking back at how I overcame social anxiety, it was not the result of one big win. It was a process that took time and effort. Certain strategies and an appropriate social anxiety treatment helped me face social situations and finally become confident.

Tips to overcome social anxiety

How I overcame social anxiety was not by deleting how I feel when anxious. It is about training the mind and body not to react the way it does, not to consider social situations a threat.

Change the physical response

The human mind and body work in a continuous loop. Any neurologist can explain that the brain perceives a threat, and physically, we become ready to take action. Noticing the body's changes, the mind also prepares itself to fight or flee.

Whenever I felt anxious, I noticed my breathing became erratic, and my hands were trembling. Deep breathing exercises like box breathing and the 4-7-8 breathing technique help me get my breathing under control and calm my nervous system. The progressive muscle relaxation (PMR) relaxes the muscles as I intentionally tense and release them. The brain feels safer once the physical sensations have subsided.

Using body language

We convey more with nonverbal communication than verbally. It's not always necessary to tell someone explicitly about how one feels. I'd make eye contact and subtly nod to show I am listening attentively. People understand these cues and appreciate the interest.

Shift focus away from you

The hyper awareness, the continuous self-monitoring, and physical manifestations of anxiety during social interactions itself worsens the nervousness. Distracting the focus on others, like what people are wearing, surrounding objects, and other such things, can leave less room for self-criticism at the moment. I remind myself, "people are preoccupied with their own appearance and not concerned about my posture," whenever I enter a social setting.

Face your fears

It felt safer when I was staying at home, far from the prying eyes of others, but it was a lonely experience. It was when my psychiatrist suggested I confront my fears little by little that I stepped out of my house. Initially, it was only for getting a coffee, then it was staying and eating at the cafe, frequenting it, making eye contact with the cashiers, and finally, now I talk to them comfortably.

Having a way out

Whenever I attend any event or go out with others, I make sure I have an exit strategy planned. I promise myself to stay half an hour with them, and after that, I can leave. Only a few times have I actually left till now, but most of the time, I stayed throughout. The awkwardness that I felt in the beginning washed away as I got comfortable.

Reaching out for help

One important thing I did, and I am glad I did, was reach out for professional help. I convinced myself for a long time that it was only shyness and that I would eventually outgrow it. My psychiatrist helped me understand that it was not shyness but a mental health condition and guided me towards healing.

Getting help for social anxiety

This is a question I avoided asking for a long time because I thought I could deal with it on my own. Now that I know how I overcame social anxiety, I feel a lot of agony could have been avoided. The answers I was looking for myself became clear as I started consulting an online psychiatrist, since I was hesitant to leave home.

Asking for help with social anxiety was not easy when merely making eye contact caused great anxiety. I avoided meeting new people; I even started distancing myself from my remaining friends, lost several opportunities, fearing I would end up embarrassing myself all over again.

It was not until I could not find any way out of my worries and broke down. Luckily, I have parents who notice the unsaid. While I kept brushing off my social anxiety as mere shyness, despite knowing how I was feeling, they saw right through me.

My parents explained to me that seeking professional help for social anxiety does not make me someone who doesn't know how to talk to people. I connected with an understanding psychiatrist Long Island. They were compassionate right from the beginning.

My life after overcoming social anxiety

It took me some time to adjust to my exposure therapy, facing what I was afraid of definitely felt uneasy at first, but as I carried on, I realised people or any public situation is not as threatening as it appeared. Medications helped keep me calm and took care of the physical symptoms that I was worried others might see.

Anxiety has not completely disappeared from my life. I still get nervous, but I guess that's just normal for anyone when they are surrounded by strangers. However, my anxious feelings do not influence my decisions anymore.

I take every opportunity I find, talk to new people; I reconnected with a few old friends and made some new ones. Sure, the experience has not entirely been sunshine. I have met people who did not make me feel so good, but that's fine. The world has plenty of people for me to meet and make memories with. One or even two bad conversations don't mean the end of anything.

Looking back at how I overcame social anxiety, I wish I had reached out for help sooner. I could have avoided a lot of agony while trying to figure everything out on my own. At least now, I know that it is okay to let someone else help share the burden.